Christmas Blues

I encounter many who are struggling with the "Christmas Blues" in my practise as a Marriage and Family Therapist. I have had to struggle with my own stress throughout the years when the Christmas Season rolls around. I have found "ways of thinking" that have helped me, my friends and my clients to choose how to manage Christmas Stress.



Our belief system, convictions and expectations create our feelings in every area of life. Asking yourself some questions, can help you discover what your believe Christmas should be about. My Christmas would be wonderful if....? I am suppose to feel ____________at Christmastime? Why do I celebrate Christmas? What do I do with Christmas when I have lost someone I love or have unhappy memories associated at this time of the year?



I held the belief that "I should feel something magical or spiritual at Christmas time because Christmas was about celebrating that Jesus Christ was born on Christmas Day." This belief system used to create guilt feelings, when I wasn't having this "supernatural magical" experience. I heard a sermon about the origins of Christmas that set me free from this guilt. I had never really thought about the origins of Christmas. Christmas is a manmade Holiday. Originally it was a Roman Holiday to celebrate the Saturn God and winter solstice. Emperor Constantine in 336 AD converted it into a Christian Holiday. Historians agree that Christ was not born on December 25th. This took the pressure off that I would somehow be disrespecting God if I was not feeling the wonder of Christ's birth at Christmastime. I do focus more on the Birth of Christ at Christmas, but it is a choice I make, not something I must do.

Now, at Christmastime, I ask God what he is speaking to me at this time of the year rather than try to manufacture my own feelings. This year he has helped me not go into the adrenaline rush of my "To Do List", he has guided me each day as to what to make a priority and what to let go of. The birth of Christ, his life, his death and resurrection and the joy of living a new life in him is something I try to grow (pray and study) in all throughout the year.

Many feel that they should have warm and loving gatherings with family and friends. This typically comes from movies we have seen. Statistically, 95% of us come from dysfunctional families, so we have to factor our families particular dysfunction into the family gathering. If we try to make our family the ideal of something we saw in a Hallmark Card we will absolutely be disappointed.

Some struggle with trusting others and have had problems developing close friendships, so getting together with friends may not be a reality for them. It is important to change this unrealistic expectation to fit the reality of your life. If you choose to get together with your family realize that it will be a mixed experience of emotions. If you don't have the friends you wish you had, make note of that and get to the bottom of why you are struggling in this area. Begin working on creating these meaningful friendships in your life. This area of your life will not change with out choosing to change it.

If you don't have family and friends to spend Christmas with, reaching out and giving to others can be an option. Find organizations and ministries that are giving gifts to poor families or serving the homeless. Giving back and making a difference in other people's lives can help combat lonely feelings. If you have the gift of hospitality, invite over neighbors or other's from your church who don't have Christmas plans to celebrate together. Learn to be creative and think outside the box in creating a meaningful Holiday season.

Those who have encountered losses at Christmastime, first need to make sure they have safe places to grieve, a grief group can be helpful. Also, doing something in memory of a loved one can be helpful. We don't have to deny our loss, acknowledging it does not have to mean we can't have a memorable Christmas, it will be a bittersweet time. Christmas can be both good and bad, it does not have to be one or the other.

How about all the money we spend, and all the pressure we put on ourselves to decorate, send out a Christmas Card or Christmas letter. You can choose how you celebrate Christmas. Spend according to your budget, It really is "the thought that counts". Just because someone buys you a gift does not mean you have to buy them a gift. You are free to decide to buy gifts or not buy gifts, it is up to you. Over the years, our list has gotten smaller amongst the adults, and the other adults in our life have not minded! I am sure it takes pressure off of them to not feel obligated to buy us a gift.

Create Christmas memories for your children that you decide to create. Remember you are teaching them about gratefulness and entitlement in how much money you spend or much you indulge their Christmas wishes. If you are stressed and unhappy your kids will be more impacted by this than all the decorations you have put up or all the money you have spent.

Decide what Christmas means to you, don't let society tell you what it is suppose to mean for you.